i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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