i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize