I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
