It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
