just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
