He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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