the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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