Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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