You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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