Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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