so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
