Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
