Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
