Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize