her vagine was all disorganized.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
