i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
