4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there is puke in my bra ... again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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