The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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