We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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