none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
