my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
