So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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