he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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