If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
