Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
