your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
