I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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