I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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