Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
