I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
