I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
