some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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