Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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