The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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