i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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