I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize