Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
