So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
