I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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