I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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