OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
