Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
