I wish I only lived at night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
