ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
