What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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