I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
