whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
