NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
