i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
