you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
