Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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