I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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