My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
