Those balls look pretty dangerous.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
