3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
