Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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