u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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