Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize