woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
