next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
