There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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