I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
