I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
