Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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