we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize