What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
