I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize