One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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