Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
