my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
