i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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