if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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