so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
