how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
