i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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