I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
