I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
