Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
