Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
