Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I smell stomach acid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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