So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
