I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
