we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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