when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
