So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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