I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
