We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dicks are not precious.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
