I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
