"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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