When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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