I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
